The Twins Speak: When Full House Meets Twin Peaks

This is what I get for reading the John Stamos Wikipedia entry in the hours before I go bed...

I only recall snippets, but I know that this dream was a fully formulated mash-up of Full House and Twin Peaks with Mary-Kate and Ashley caper film-style plot for good measure. I know it was titled, "The Twins Speak". And I know, most assuredly, that it was amazing.

Bob Saget was "Agent Cooper", dressed in a sleek, slim, black suit. He owned a diner, one that only served damn fine cups of coffee and cherry pie. Sadly, no doughnuts. My view was external, reminiscent of Edward Hopper's Nighthawks painting (shown above, in crafty Lego styling), but more head on. He was speaking with a huge crow that sat on the counter, who had with him several talismans. He and the crow had been friends since the Middle Ages, when the crow, who was a shapeshifter, was human and owned a pub called The Stick and Cauldron. They were quietly, jovially reminiscing about some bawdy evening at the pub and were the only creatures in sight.

Meanwhile, Nicky and Alex, John Stamos's character Uncle Jesse's twins (who you may recall from the latter seasons of Full House), were out solving a mystery. They were aged about six, with long curly hair falling about their shoulders, wearing little pinkerton suits and ties. They were mute, and spoke to one another telepathically. I recall them running through a mall parking lot, into the mall, trying to apprehend their suspect.

Unfortunately, this is all I recall. But it is enough.

My dream brains beat your dream brains every goddamned night.

Boo yah.